How to Ease the Digital Pain on Facebook When You Break Up

facebook breakup heart

I’ve always said the most powerful status on Facebook is the relationship status. Facebook could be the world’s largest dating site. Couples find love on Facebook and many have been featured in Facebook Love Stories.

Breaking up on Facebook isn’t a piece of digital cake. The amount digital housekeeping and detoxing from your ex can be overwhelming. Add on top of it, your friends who have watched your courtship dissolve as you changed your status from “In a Relationship” to “Single” may have a lot to say about it.

People are obsessed with when their friends change their status. They love to cheer you on when you post photos of your romantic journey together.

Since our fascination with the Facebook relationship status will never wane, I was thrilled to see that Facebook just announced a new tool that will help ease the digital pain during a breakup. You no longer have to cut the cord and unfriend or block your ex when it’s time to split up. After all, some people just have a bump on the road and get back together again, so why obliterate your ex completely, especially if it’s just temporary?

According to the Facebook blog, these new Facebook tools allow you to see less of your former flame, by preventing his or her status updates and posts to appear in your feed and help you easily untag yourself from photos of the two of you together.

“.. we are testing tools to help people manage how they interact with their former partners on Facebook after a relationship has ended. When people change their relationship status to indicate they are no longer in a relationship, they will be prompted to try these tools.”

I think these are terrific features, as I know many people instantly block their ex, without the ex even knowing so, and then back-peddle and send a new friend request, out of embarrassment, once they’ve kissed and made up.

The thing is, do we really need to see what our ex is doing, especially if they are in the arms of another man or woman? How can one move on if they don’t digitally detox from their ex on Facebook?

This interim feature is one that I highly recommend and it’s started to roll out on the mobile app. Sure you might hate your ex right away, but if they were important in your life, at some point you and your ex might be able to be friends if both of you have happily moved on with others.

Should You Be Friends with an Ex on Facebook?

I don’t believe in being friends with an ex on Facebook, at least not right away. When a former boyfriend blocked me and unfriended me when we went our separate ways, I thought it was quick and cruel. I did understand that he was trying to heal and that seeing photos of me and us together prevented him from moving on. I actually didn’t really want to see details of his dating life either. We had the talk about what to do on Facebook and mutually decided it was the best way to go. Then one day, he went onto his Facebook page and untagged himself from every photo we had appeared in together and deleted every photo, including group photos. The process took him hours to complete.

Had this Facebook breakup feature been in place, it would have saved him and many others the long arduous and painful task of removing the past on the world’s largest social network.


Still, for someone with a failed relationship, when they post that they’re no longer in a relationship on Facebook, their friends instantly jump in and want to know why. They’ll get a bunch of digital sympathy, but when you’re in pain, it can sting both online and offline.

My question to you is, would you use Facebook’s breakup tools or just let the digital chips land where they may?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the creator of and helps singles find love on the Internet with her Irresistible Profiles programs and Online Dating BootCamps. For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

How to Use Facebook to Land a Date

facebook heartA new Dating in a Digital Age survey from Your Tango found that 63% of singles are using online dating sites to find a serious relationship.

Of those surveyed, 95% said they have used Facebook to find a date. This number is enormous and does give hope to singles that cyber love is truly a way of everyday life.

So how do you make sure you’re putting your best digital foot forward?

Let’s start with critiquing  your Facebook profile.

Your Facebook Relationship Status

Think you’re too shy to let someone know you’re single? Think again. Not posting you’re relationship status as “Single” or “Divorced” doesn’t mean you’re desperate. It means you’re stating your intention that you’re available for a relationship. On Facebook Love Stories, you’ll read the heartwarming story of Taunia and Jake. When Taunia changed her relationship status to “Divorced,” she became reunited with a former boyfriend from twenty years earlier. The two got engaged at the Eiffel Tower in Paris and will be getting married this summer. Is that worth the free advertising on Facebook if you want to find love? We think so.

Select the Right Photos

Putting the best primary photo you can possibly find is key to your success in finding love on Facebook. Posting a photo with your BFF is off-limits. One with your cousin is also off the list if you’re single. It can send confusing messages and you won’t know for sure that someone is single.  Posting no photo at all is as obsolete as the fax machine or VHS player. Remember, your photo will appear in a search, even to non-friends who would like to connect with you.
The YourTango study confirmed this as they found that two-thirds would not go on a date with someone whose profile contains no photos.

Become a Facebook Flirt

If you have a digital crush on someone, spend time occasionally “liking” and commenting on his or her posts. Don’t overdo it, as you don’t want to come across as an obsessed cyber-stalking type. It’s digital foreplay and it’s amazing how it really works.

Be Careful What You Post

Posting photos and party shots over-and-over again might not send the message that you’re relationship material. Make sure your posts are varied and not all about you. Ask engaging questions in your posts and thank those who comment. Even if he or she won’t be the love of your life, think about their extended social network. Who doesn’t want to play digital matchmaker?
Are you flirting on Facebook? Do you think Facebook could be the world’s largest dating site?  You’re comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and Facebook Love Stories. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more digital dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at Facebook Love Stories. 

7 Ways to Make Your Facebook Page Dateable

How to Make Your Facebook Page DateableFacebook’s Graph Search is a new tool that’s rolling out now. We’ve been experimenting with dating using this new feature and shared some of our best tips with Glamour on how to make your Facebook page more dateable.

In addition, the “Singles in America” survey reports that 48% of single women and 38% of single men research their dates on Facebook before a first date. In addition, 38% of singles have canceled a date due to something they found online while doing their digital due diligence.

Facebook has also played a large part in breakups according to the Match survey, with 55% of the men saying they broke up due to a date’s pictures, 42% due to a wall post on someone else’s wall, and 28% who have broken up due to their status update.

So before you start poking someone new, it’s time to clean up your Facebook profile.

Here are 7 tips you must know to fall in love on Facebook.

  1. Don’t Hide your Relationship Status.  If you’re single, let the world know. Our Facebook Love Story couple Diva Taunia and Jake reconnected when his sister noticed her relationship status changed to “Divorced” and ran to tell her brother.
  2. Check their Relationship Status.  Before you respond to that Facebook chat, look at his or her “About” page to make sure their relationship status is listed as “Single” and take note to see if they’re “In a Relationship.”
  3. Do your digital housekeeping.  Your break-up with your ex may be old news to your closest friends, but not to a potential suitor. Take the time to untag, remove, and discard your digital history, so you can appear as someone who is ready for a new relationship, and aren’t hanging onto the past.
  4. Glance Through the “People You May Know” Feature.  Our featured Facebook Love Story couple Patience and Sam are now happily married as a result of Sam seeing Patience’s photo as a suggestion and had recognized her from high school.
  5. Keep your Chat Window Open.  Flirting on Facebook is the best way to enjoy a digital courtship.  Make sure your privacy settings enable this feature. Go ahead and be brave and say hello to someone you might have a digital crush on.
  6. Don’t Kiss-and-Post.  You may be excited about your date from last night, but you don’t really know if he has another one scheduled for tonight. If you must post, take a photo of your desert, but don’t mention your date or tag him in the photo. You’re far from “Facebook Official.”
  7. Don’t Complain about Your Date.  So he didn’t resemble his profile photos or she had ten extra pounds. This happens often, so complaining on your Facebook page won’t make you more dateable. It will actually turn-off someone who might have been ready to ask you out on a date. Nobody wants to date a “Debbie Downer.”

Is your Facebook page date ready?

Full article and facebooko dating tips on

Facebook LoveStories celebrates those who have found love on the world’s largest social network. If you know someone who met on Facebook, invite them to share their Facebook Love Story. For more Facebook dating advice and stories, follow @FBLoveStories on Twitter.

Photo credit: Thomas Pajot –

Using Facebook Gifts for Your Valentine

Facebook GiftsIf you’re in a new relationship or have just started dating someone, the pressure could be high around Valentine’s Day.

Perhaps you’ve just been chatting with someone on Facebook, and haven’t had the time to meet in person yet. Maybe Valentine’s Day will be your first or second date. If so, it’s unlikely that you’ll know the actual address where your digital crush lives.

If this is the case, overwhelming someone with a lavish present may make him or her feel uncomfortable. The Discover card 2013 Valentine’s Day Shopping Survey found that 45% of consumers expect to spend $25 on Valentine’s Day, so there’s no need to break the bank.

If you’re already friends on Facebook, the world’s largest social network is making it easy for you to send someone a Valentine’s gift this year, without having to leave the house or your computer behind.

How do you use Facebook gifts?

1. Visit the profile home page of the object of your affection or a friend you’d like to spoil this Valentine’s Day.

2. You’ll notice the red and white gift box above the status update. Click on the gift icon, where a variety of gift options will appear.

3. Select a gift within your budget and then select an eCard to go along with the gift. You’ll have the option to share that you sent a gift to your friend or loved on on Facebook or keep it just to yourself.

4. Put in your credit card information and you’re done.

5. Facebook will notify the recipient that they’ve received a gift from you. They can then provide their address anonymously and be surprised when it arrives.

Even if their gift arrives after Valentine’s Day, they’ll know that you made the effort to select it in time. If they don’t accept the gift within 2 weeks, it will be automatically canceled and your credit card will be refunded.

Not sure which gifts to select?

Here are some of our favorite gift ideas to the object of your affection, or your BFF.

1. iTunes Gift Card.

iTunes - FB Gifts

Who doesn’t love music? Let him or her pick their favorite love songs this Valentine’s Day. $10-$50.

2. Starbucks or a Caffeine-Filled Gift Card.


If you went on a first date for coffee, and you know he or she is a caffeine junkie, you can memorialize the day with a gift card to Starbuck’s  $5-25.

3. The L-O-V-E Strawberry Gram.

Love Strawberry Gram

These six juicy, premium strawberries are hand-dipped in delicious dark Belgian chocolate and decorated with white chocolate lettering to spell L-O-V-E or drizzled with colorful confection. Presented in an elegant gift box, they’re the perfect Valentine’s treat for someone who’s been waiting to hear those special three words. $15.

4. Valentine’s Apple hand-dipped in Caramel and Chocolate.

Caramel Apple

This Valentine’s Day treat is both healthy and blissfully decadent: the granny smith apple is covered first in delicious caramel, then hand-dipped in dark Belgian chocolate and artfully decorated with elegant satin bow. It’s a sweet way to celebrate a Valentine. $13.

5. Sweet Pea Candle Tin

Sweet Pea Candle

If you’re counting calories this year, ditch the chocolate idea and present her with a romantic soy candle to help spark the romance. $11.

6. Anti-Valentine’s Candy.

Anti Valentine's Hearts

Sending a gift to your single friend? Check out the Anti-Valentine’s Candy, which celebrates his or her single-hood. You can let your friend know it’s time to “Stop Kissing Frogs” or encourage them with “Plenty of Fish in the Sea” candies. $5.

7. Pick Up Lines Coaster Set.

Pick Up Line Coasters

Looking for a last minute date? Try these cute pick-up lines coasters or send a set to your single friends to help them if they’re feeling shy. From “Do you believe in love at first sight…Or should I walk by again?” to “Do you have a sunburn…Or are you always this hot?” they’re worth a chuckle or two. $15.

If you select gifts $15 and under, you’ll find Valentine’s gifts for every relationship status, which are within most people’s budget.

What will you be purchasing this Valentine’s Day? features real-life people who have fallen in love on Facebook, along with dating advice to enjoy on the world’s largest social network. Follow @FBLoveStories on Twitter and submit your Facebook Love Story.

How to Flirt on Facebook

How to Flirt on FacebookFlirting and dating on Facebook. It happens daily and is simple to do.

We know you’re spending a large portion of your time hanging out on Facebook; checking your friends’ status updates, and occasionally engaging in a dialog publicly or privately.

Here are our five tips on how to have fun and flirt on the world’s largest social network.

1. Claim Your Single “Single” Status. If you’re looking for a date or a relationship, why is your relationship status blank? Hiding won’t help your love life. Let your friends and their friends know you’re available. Perhaps that secret crush will notice your relationship status change, and the conversation can get started.

2. Check their relationship status before you start flirting. If your friend’s About page shows that they are  “Single,” chances are the coast is clear, but it doesn’t mean they’re not in a relationship. For this reason, you need to take it slow and just become friendly. Engage in Facebook chat if you’re both online at the same time.  If you see their relationship status says, “In a Relationship” or “Married,” or if you notice several photos of them in the arms of the same person, save your flirting skills for someone else who might be open to the possibilities.

3. Say Thank You Publicly.  If you become friends with someone new, or reconnect with someone from a previous job or from school, don’t just accept the friends request and ignore them. Take the extra step to thank them on their timeline. This will develop a digital rapport and get the conversation started. If you’re uncomfortable posting for all of his or her friends to see, send a private message by clicking the message button under his or her cover photo to keep the conversation between the two of you. Acknowledging your new digital friendship is engaging and shows you’re social media friendly.

4. Engage and “like.” Take the time to review your home page and “like” a few status updates or photos of someone you have a digital crush on. Remember not to go overboard. You won’t want to appear like a stalker. Start LIKING sites, bands, stores, things that describe your personality to find people with similar interests. Our Facebook Love story couple, Sophie and Trevor met in a Star Wars fan group on Facebook and are now happily married. The possibilities are wide-open.

5. Start the conversation Offline. Continue Online. Often people meet offline first and then connect on Facebook to stay in touch. This develops an online bond to add some glue to your relationship or friendship. Some of the best relationships start as friends. This is how our Facebook Love Story couple Lauren and Daniel fell in love.

Singles are finding love on Facebook. Isn’t it time for you to cast a wide net? celebrates those who have found love on the world’s largest social network. If you know someone who met on Facebook, invite them to share their Facebook Love Story. For more Facebook dating advice and stories, follow @FBLoveStories on Twitter.

Photo credit: Tijana –